Waiting for Autism

It's a all too common feeling.  The waiting and the preparing the night before something big will happen. Packing before your big vacation, picking out clothes the night before your new job, putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas eve.  How do you prepare to find out if your child is autistic? How do you resolve the hope and the dread?

It not something you can discuss easily with friends.  Especially friends who are parents because no one can resist the urge to try to be reassuring and solve what they perceive as a problem.  And there must be a problem, right? otherwise why would we have gone through the evaluations, the drs appointments, the occupational therapy.  It's hard not no think of autism as a problem needing solving, but I honestly don't. It's not a problem. It just.... IS.

Here's how I see it: nothing can change how awesome my child is. He is funny and passionate. Imaginative and unusual. And so, SO smart. Nothing changes that. Nothing we can be told tomorrow changes who his is today, labels don't have that kind of power.  But what it can do is change who he will be.  That's where the hope and the dread really start to battle it out.  The double edged sword of diagnosis and labeling.  Opening of doors and slamming of others.  The labels can bring assistance that could be so beneficial to helping my amazing preschooler thrive in school and later life, and labels can get him left out of sleep-overs and group activities.

And maybe the scariest thing of all is no answer, more evaluations, more waiting, more preparing.

First Green Birthday - a year in review

Today is Liam's first birthday, and I thought I should take a moment and reflect back on our families goals and accomplishments.

1- We wanted Liam to make a small impact on the environment

•  Cloth diapers have been a huge success! They are way cheaper and easier than disposables, and they work better! We gave up using the occasional disposable when they started printing the Lorax character on them (but that's another subject entirely)
• We have exclusively breastfed and bottle fed expressed breast milk (EBM)
• We always try to buy used clothes and toys first (especially colorful adorable sweaters, but that's also another subject entirely)

Liam modeling the adorable sweater that started my addiction (circa December 2011)

• We threw a huge birthday bash for Liam and Dad and managed to keep it very green: compostable plates, jam jars for cups, real utensils, and compostable cupcake wrappers (all natural parchment paper).  The total garbage produced from the party was less than half a grocery bag (and consisted of a little plastic film and half a hotdog- just the meat part, composted the bun.)

The compost bin - 2 days post party

2- We wanted to live "actively"

• For the first six months Liam rode the bus and rode in a stroller most days (much of the time out of necessity as much as convenience) and we tried to limit the use of the car to my long commute and the trips to visit family
• At six months Liam could hold himself up well and wear a bike helmet.  So, we started him in a Peapod seat on the back of Dad's xtracycle.

Liam's first Bike ride (January 2012)

• In February we moved to Salem, reducing my daily commute from a 60 mile round trip by car to a 2 mile round trip by bike (or foot).  Now Liam and Dad walk or ride to my work every day for lunch so we can nurse and play and eat together.
• We can now grocery shop and do most other errands exclusively by bike (and sometimes by foot).

Riding home from shopping trip to Roth's in West Salem, we love crossing the Willamette on the Steel Bridge.

3- We wanted to eat whole foods and teach Liam to enjoy the seasonal variety Oregon has to offer

• We've dived in to the local markets and really been please by what the Cherry City has to offer.  Even during the hungry months (February and March in my book) we could find enough local produce at the public market to fill the meals (somewhat creatively) each week.  This included  trying out cardoon, turning some wrinkly apples into fresh sauce, and eating alot of leafy greens.
• We've joined a local harvest group that cleans-up unwanted crops for donation and our own consumption
• Friends in our new community have helped us find new foraging areas, shared harvests of delicious wild greens (we made a rocking nettle quiche!) and have invited us to harvest at their homes when there is an overabundance (we have a freezer full of raspberries and a giant bag of cherries on my table waiting to be processed)
• I started making my own yogurt which Liam really enjoys too.  (Now I just need to find a source for good local milk)
• We put the work into starting a new vegetable garden and some perennial edibles at our new place in Salem (even after saying we would wait a year to discover the sun an soil situation)

Liam helping Dad put up the new garden fence

• The whole foods we find essential and can't find locally (flour, beans, rice, oatmeal, olive oil, peanut butter) we try to buy in bulk quantity from a good source and store in our make shift basement pantry

We prefer Bob's Red Mill Flours and Grains (25lb bags stored in food grade buckets), Maranatha peanut butter and Napa Valley Naturals Olive Oil (purchased by the case from the manufacturer online)

• We finally purchased a pressure cooker! Now we can smoke, dry, freeze, water-bath-can, and pressure-can for winter
• Most importantly we let Liam try everything possible.  To my discontent the only food he just doesn't seem to excited about is avocado! but I am saved by his apparent love for heirloom tomatoes, raspberries, and blueberries.  Other wonderful surprises have been his love of homemade whole wheat bread, black beans, lentils, and plain popcorn.

Liam enjoying a cherry today at lunch (Mom removed the pit first)

Every day of success breeds the next round of life changing goals (I want to make lavender and rosemary hand cream and age prosciutto in the basement).  It's a open ended process full of dirt, and sweat, and peeing on paper-plates while they rot back to the soil we will grow next years dinner in.

Preparing for Baby - Green Choices vs. Conventional

There is a suite of universal preparations that all expectant parents make when waiting for baby.  (especially if this is baby #1)  We wanted to make these preparations without compromising our belief in the importance of living a low impact life as well as being as frugal as possible.

In many instances the frugal and green choice was one in the same, but there were some compromises we refused to make for the sake or being green, the number one being safety.

So based on the guidance we could gather from the internet, stacks of books, a few resourceful experts, and our own good sense the following is a run down of the preparations we made and how they rank on the scale of honeydew to guacamole.

A Place to Sleep
Our choices: Second hand arms reach co-sleeper and new 3-in-1 crib.

What was green about these choices:

The co-sleeper was second hand.  Second hand is almost always the greener choice, but not always the safest choice.  Whats safe about this co-sleeper is that they have no recall history for safety problems, they are easily completely cleaned, and they are only usable as a bassinet for about the first 6 months (then can be used as a playpen) so one or two children can't really wear one out.

The crib converts into a toddler and full bed, so should be  useable for an extended period of time (although now that we've purchased it I do questions its durability for years of childhood bouncing and teenage flopping).

How we could have done better:


Choose true "in-bed" co-sleeping, no crib or bassinet required.  Although I have no doubt that our little one will end up spending plenty of hours sleeping in our bed we decided against going for true co-sleeping for safety concerns.  The biggest issues we had were that according to popular guidance our queen mattress in both too small and too soft to safely co-sleep with an infant.

Purchase a second hand crib.  I looked into second hand cribs and to be honest was scared by the number of worn out or recalled cribs being sold at more than half the original price.  Especially prevalent were dropside cribs that were manufactured prior to the establishment of current crib safety laws.

Transportation
Our choices: New convertible car seat, second hand jogging stroller, and xtracycle conversion.

What was green about these choices:

The jogging stroller was second hand (and again second hand is a good green and frugal choice).  High quality jogging strollers take a long time to wear out and with a little elbow grease they can look and function like new (or at least as good as any stroller would function after a short period of use).

By skipping the infant car seat we've saved money and the waste of having to replace it with a larger car seat in a few short months.  Since the convertable car seat can fit a child weighing from 5-40 lbs and up to 49inches tall we should get a long period of use. Plus I really don't like the detachable/carrying basket function of infant car seats.  It's not so much a "green" issue as a "don't treat you baby like luggage" issue.

The xtracycle conversion to Jim's bike is by far the greenest investment we've made in a long time.  In the present and near future it has significantly cut back on the car trips for in-town errands and trips to the recycling center, and when our little guy is a year old and big enough for a bike helmet we can get the peapod childseat for the bike and eliminate most of our in town driving all together.

How we could have done better:

Purchasing the car seat second hand would have been greener, and I did look into that but once again safety was the stumbling block.  I contacted quiet a few people selling used carseats on craigslist and when I asked about care and maintenance of the seat each person proudly stated that they regularly washed the seat cover AND STRAPS! Apparently the fact that that makes the straps unsafe, and need to be replaced isn't a widely known fact.  I mean does anyone even read their manual, they all say to spot clean the straps don't put them through the damn washing machine.  But I'm getting side tracked on a rant.  So in the end I felt like the used car seats out there were totally sketchy and we bought the most unbelievably expensive convertible car seat that we felt was the safest and best option, hopefully we'll get a lot of years of use out of it.


Something to Eat

Our choices: Long term breastfeeding, new breast pump for returning to work, glass bottles, and breast milk freezer trays to make cubes for long term storage.

What was green about these choices:

It is actually a bit shocking that breastfeeding a baby is an alternative choice people have to make rather than just the normal way all babies are raised, but again that is a different rant for a different day.  Breastfeeding is greener and a much cheaper than the alternatives, and there are all the negative side effects of not breastfeeding that also increase the costs of feeding your baby.

All the accessories of breastfeeding needed for returning to work reduce the "greenness" and "cheapness" of breastfeeding but we tried to go as minimal as possible.

Purchased a new pump without any accessories or fancy carrying bags which just seemed unnecessary and expensive.

The intent of the  glass bottles is to purchase something that will last for a long time and be passed to other families to be well used (like all those old canning jars we're still sterilizing and using each summer).

The milk storage trays seem less wasteful than using the individual storage bags which must create a lot of plastic waste.  this way we can freeze the milk in 1 oz cubes and pop them in to another container for long term storage.


How we could have done better:


The best way to improve this choice would be to not have to pump breastmilk but to be able to feed our little guy myself for the first few years.  That isn't in the cards, so we're working with what we have.

Another alternative would be to buy these accessories second hand.  I looked for second hand glass bottles and milk trays and found nada.  I also researched the second hand pump issue and came up with two big problems:

1. The main brand you find used (medela) isn't one of the few brands that prevent milk from entering into the pump itself and potentially contaminating it. 
2. Pumps wear out gradually and can have reduced suction while the motors still seem to pump normally; slowing down the process, significantly reducing your pumped quantities and potentially effecting production.

A Place to Poop

Our choices: Cloth diapers; a mixture of pocket diapers and pre-folds.  Mostly purchased new as gifts from loving friends and family and a few used covers from out local second hand kids shop.

What was green about these choices:  

Cloth diapers is another awesome example of the greenest option being the cheapest option.  For a few hundred dollars we can diaper a baby through potty training and not make a unalterable negative impact on the environment (plus save the estimated $5,000 people spend on diapers for a baby!)

Another big bonus; we were able to register at a local diaper shop and having an on-line registry made shower gifts very easy.

How we could have done better:

Purchase more of the diapers second hand.  We did find some covers at our local second hand shop for a good second hand price (about 1/4 the original price) and we bought everything we thought would work for us.

There are a lot of used cloth diapers on craigslist, especially pocket diapers, but I think most are a ripoff.  They generally sell for 70-80% of the original price which I think is way too much.  I even found some un-usable pocket diapers that needed to have the elastic entirely replaced (presumably the covers were put through the drier repeatedly instead of hung dry over night) that were being offered for 40% the original price!

Well that's it really, a summary of our rationalization for baby preparations.  Now we just need the little guy to arrive and test all our carefully considered preparations.

Why Are We Here?

If life is the grandest experiment that we all participate in then reproduction is not just the perpetuation of a species but a replication of an experimental subgroup.

I write this somewhat in jest, but also see an underlying truth in the statement.  When we ponder how to raise offspring we inevitably imagine little miniatures of ourselves that share our appreciation for the parts of our culture we find most important.

Doesn't the die hard Vikings fan buy purple onesies for their baby?  The dog lover purchase a stuffed puppy for their child to cuddle with?

Thus through early indoctrination we replicate our own experimental group, and just like any experiment poorly planed by amateurs each experimental group resembles the previous but is not a perfect replication and is instead improved by lessons learned through previous replications.

And the two of us as new parents are no different, although since our cultural choices run to the left side of green rather than to the mainstream there is a certain amount of cynicism and eye rolling we must endure from the mainstream judgmental consumer.

Luckily we have more than just our own smug satisfaction to help us endure.  There is a continuously growing green parenting and green lifestyle movement being fueled not only by the desire to reduce our own and offsprings impact on the planet but perhaps even more significantly fueled by the frugality of living a greener lifestyle.  This feels especially  important when beginning what is widely agreed upon as the most expensive stage of our lives; parenthood!

So we, like so many other green parents out there, feel the need to document this stage of life for a multitude of reasons; the need to ally ourselves digitally with like minded people, give ourselves an outlet for 'green introspection', and of course to simply document the process of life for our own satisfaction and the entertainment of others.