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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Becoming a working mother - Being of two minds

I've been back at work for two weeks now.  In one big way it wasn't what I expected.  I think the work I do is very important but those first few days back I did NOT feel like my career mattered.  I guess it's all about biology and perspective - who cares about the preserving or protecting the environment when every molecule of your being is telling you how unnatural it is to be separated from your baby.

It felt very unfair to have to return to work when William was just 10 weeks old.  I know that many working mums, in THIS country, have to return even earlier but that is so unnatural!  The last few weeks of maternity leave I actually felt very resentful of our work-centric culture.

The transition has turned out to be much more of an upheaval for Jim and William than it is for me.  I've managed to fall back in to my work smoothly and (though I'm still not caught up from being gone for the summer) finding ways to be very productive (both in work and milk quantity).

Mondays are especially hard for Jim and William, I think it's partially because he becomes accustomed to being constantly cuddled and carried that when suddenly it's just him and Dad he has trouble adapting.  I look forward to the day when he understands the difference between weekends and weekdays and can comprehend that I'm not gone forever when I'm at work.

Thursdays are especially hard for me.  I work 10 hour days, which is great for the long weekends, but means by Thursday I've seen very little of my son during waking hours.  By Thursday I'm dying to spend the day with him and the hours until I can leave just get longer and longer.

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